FUCK IT!

Okay, I probably need to clear this up. I DID NOT fight with my parents at all. That previous entry was just a thought going through my head so you guys need not worry about me shouting at my parents or needing to sit down and talk to them. Everything is perfectly fine. I didn’t know that entry would spark off such concern, anyhow thanks for your concern.

Okay, right now I guess I’m just pissed? Angry? Misunderstood? I don’t know but I don’t like that feeling going through me right now. A feeling of discontent maybe. Right now, I just wanna say, “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!” I may not be his source of depression so why the fuck is he picking on me? All I did was “*poke* just to see if you’re still alive or not” and he took it that I was playing with words and they were poisonous and shit like that. Just because you’re fucking sensitive doesn’t mean you think the whole world is going against you. Just because you’re diagnosed with depression doesn’t mean everybody must be super nice with you. Just because you’re like some manager or something doesn’t mean you have tones of work to do and can’t entertain me. What the fuck? You think I got nothing to do? SHIT man, I don’t need this.

Now that’s off my chest, one less person to “worry” about. Words are words. Words in a sentence will then sum up to mean something. There are different meanings attached to sentences and just by reading them; you may not know the intended meaning of the speaker. So before anyone just wants to read something and get into a whole “the world is fucking with me and I’m gonna fuck the whole world up” rampage, think twice. Nothing beats hearing that sentence from the speaker themselves instead of reading it because by hearing it or seeing them speak it face to face, you will then know what’s the intended meaning of it. Don’t think that just by reading something on a blog or sms, you’ll know every single thing the person means. Think whether you are thinking it only in one perspective or if that sentence can have another possible meaning to it. Don’t think that one sentence can only have one meaning because they don’t.

One more thing, “nega puminya?!” it means, “am I a fool?!” don’t take my feelings for granted. Don’t think everything you say is correct and everything I say is poison. Don’t think everything you say are innocent words and won’t hurt anyone while what I say is like murder. Don’t think you’re more superior than I am just because you’re working and have lots of things to think about while I am just studying and have nothing important to do or think about. That is just BULLSHIT. FUCK you people who are like that.

My prerogative? Bullshit!

Does taking a subject “Critical Reading and Thinking” necessarily make you a critical thinker at the end of the subject? Does not taking that subject make you less a critical thinker? Does it mean that if you do not take that subject, you’re not a critical thinker? What is the point of taking that subject? To think of one subject in different perspective or just think of that subject differently from your other peers? If you are a critical thinker, does that make you more matured than the rest of your peers? If you’re not a critical thinker, does that make you less matured and more childish?

The one thing that parents should never EVER do is ALWAYS think that they know what is BEST for their children. Note the capital letters in the words where I place emphasis on them for being the important words in the statement. So, we are now young adults. Does being a young adult means we cannot rebel and that rebellion is only reserved for the teenagers? Do people always tend to over-generalise things? Do people always think that if one person is a responsible person as a young adult, does that mean that ALL young adults are responsible? If so, what about the young criminals we so often read and hear on the news? Do you think they have acted responsibly since they are young adults? Are young adults no longer allowed to make the mistakes of teenagers?

So what my room is so much messier than the rest of the house? Does it mean that I do it to spite my mom or it is an act of abuse of the freedom she gives? Parents always think that we as children should NEVER EVER question their opinions or statements. In other words, follow them blindly. Whatever they ask or say, do not question them, just do it. If that is the case, doesn’t that make us docile and in other words, we do not have a thinking of our own? Doesn’t that make us spoon-fed, the very thing they always say we should avoid? “Be more independent,” they say but their actions speak otherwise. They can protect us from one thing but they cannot do that forever. They always wish their children would grow up and learn but how do we do that if they are preventing us from taking a fall? Do we not learn from our mistakes? Do we not learn how to stand up again after taking a fall?

Do parents always think that just because we are their children, we inherit their way of thinking and habits 100%? Do they think we’re actually reproductive clones of them? Are they really unaware that we grow up by being moulded by the society and environment we live in? Do they actually think that they way things work in the 1950s will be exactly the same in the year we live now? Have they really stopped growing with time and we as children have exceeded that period they wish things were, like in the 1950s? How many times have we heard teenagers (oh, I’m sorry. I meant, *insert sarcastic tone* YOUNG ADULTS) complaining about how unreasonable their parents are? How many times have we complained how outdated our parents are? Come to think of it, at times I do agree that parents are just a pain in the ass. Please excuse the language.

I wonder, do parents want us to think and live the way they do (maybe with some minor changes here and there) so that they can see us living the way they always wanted to live but couldn’t due to some unforeseen circumstances? Are they moulding us into themselves? In Asian culture, children are not allowed to talk back to their parents, to voice out their opinions and bluntly object their parents’ opinions. It is seen as an act of rebellion. To put things simply, if we object them, we are rebelling. I think that is a load, a BIG load of BULLSHIT. Even though we think we are wrong and we are being berated for our so-called mistakes, we have to swallow our pride and opinions. What does that make us? Robots?

Frankly, sometimes I am so sick of all these and yet, what can I do? Sure, I can move out and live on my own without depending on them financially but as of now, that is not an option. Does not depending on them financially make us free from them? Is it because we are financially dependent on them that we have to follow their rules? So we do not really have total freedom is we are not financially free from them? Parents should WAKE UP and SEE that their children have their own personality and thinking and NOT try to mould or influence their children to be more like themselves (referring to parents) and get in the way of their children’s growing mentality.

Motto of the day: Parents should not force their thoughts on their children and claim that that’s their prerogative.

for him

BWARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, had to get that off my chest. It’s been a hectic semester for me. I have double the amount of assignments compared to last semester. The lecturers are giving out assignments as if it’s flyers. So, there were some surprises here and there but nothing drastic. Found out who Andrew likes and I pity him. It’s hard for him.

Wow, I’m speechless. I don’t know what else to write. All of a sudden my mind went blank. It could be because I’m physically and mentally drained. I have to go to work in another 7 hours and I’m not in bed yet. I’m listening to Chet Baker now, feeling melancholy. That’s the effect of Jazz. Valentine’s coming and I’ve got some shopping to do.

With him in mind..

For The Last Time
To love someone you’re not supposed to,
To care for someone you’re not supposed to,
To be hurt by someone you love,
How does that feel deep inside?

What’s that gripping my heart?
What’s that feeling in me?
Is love actually a fallacy?
Sometimes I wish it is so.

You were so happy you met her,
You told me that it was fate,
You told me how much you love her,
But we both know it’s not meant to be.

I see your tear stained face,
I feel my heart ache as you cry,
You sat there forlornly,
As you watch her back disappear.

You crumble to the ground,
I kneeled to support you,
“Be strong, I’m here,”
That was what I said.

You tried to break free,
To tell her you love her,
For the last time in life,
That’s what you wanted to say.

another useless update

These days I don’t seem to be in much mood to update my blog. Maybe it’s because there’s nothing drastic happening or I haven’t been thinking enough to write something remotely interesting to post.

I have been talking to EC lately and found out some interesting facts. According to her, I was the last push she needed to start watching Bleach and I’m glad I got another person into the wonder that is Bleach.

There are presentations and assignments waiting for me but it’s the Chinese New Year holiday for god’s sake! Why should we have to worry about stuff like those and not being able to enjoy the true essence of a Chinese New Year holiday which consists mostly of bumming, drinking, chatting and gambling? Oh, to top it off, I’m working during this one week holiday. So it also feels like, “Holiday??!! What holiday??!!”

As most of you already knew, I finally dyed my hair and it was actually pretty shocking the moment I stepped out of the salon into the sun because it was literally so bright, it looked orange-y and like a ball of fire. After a few washes, the colour became nicer and I’m glad I picked this colour. After the dye-ing, I felt as if my hair is too long and it wouldn’t stand the way it should when I apply styling products. One thing good is that I can actually go to work without applying anything to my hair and without it looking like an afro. I’ve also gotten used to having the long fringe in front instead of trying to part it like I used to. I need a haircut, should get it next week maybe.

Another depressing fact, Valentine’s Day is coming and it falls on the day when I have the most packed schedule ever with classes from 10am to 5.30pm. Oh well, it’s not like I expect anything to happen on that day although I do hope to get some greetings at least from them. Whatever it is, Valentine’s Day is just another ordinary day for me.

Motto of the day : A smart person knows he doesn’t know anything