Everyone Needs Someone

This is dedicated to all my friends, wherever you are, whatever you do I hold you in my thoughts. This is dedicated to the greatest treasure in life, friends. Thank you for being in my life, it has brought changes to my life.

"Everyone Needs Someone" by Helen Steiner Rice

People need people and friends need friends,
And we all need love for a full life depends-
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,
Not on success or on worldy fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares,
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers-
For only the knowledge that we're understood,
Makes everyday living feel wonderfully good,
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need,
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed,
The outstretched hand reaching to find,
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind,
Are lonely and longing to somehow share,
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware,
That life's completeness and richness depends,
On the things we share with our loved ones,
and friends.

indifferent

right now, i don't want to hear any advice from anyone. i have had my worst moments and it's all in the history now. i don't need to hear how i should handle this, how i should do this or that. sorry for being rude to those who wanna help but i'm over it, gimme a break and don't say anything.

war?

Blogging was supposed to be a way out for me, a way for me to vent my anger, express my emotions and ideas but look what has it done now. When someone writes something in their blog, it’s entirely their own opinion on stuff but now, I hear friends using other friend’s blog to lash out at a certain someone. It has turned into a bloody war.

I have no idea what the hell happened in the past few weeks. Everything happened so fast. Exams are coming, pressure is mounting high and emotions are running wild. I don’t know how or why the relationship between Walter and I worsened. Fine, it’s my fault if you wanna know but still I don’t know what the big deal is with me asking for some space. Did I do something wrong and not realize it?

What’s the point of people lashing out at each other? Backstabbing? As if I don’t have people backstabbing me. Happened since high school and I doubt it stopped even now. If they wanna backstab, go ahead. They either backstab me because they are jealous or there’s something wrong with me. So if it’s the latter, then I’ll think about it and try to change if I can. But what’s the use?

Things got so out of hand I want to scream and hit things or throw something. Is god really testing my endurance, my patience? Is He waiting for the day I finally break down? Well, He got it… that day is today. I might be strong but there’s only so much I can take.

friends?

How does it feel like to have a punch in your face? How does it feel like to have punches coming in from everywhere? I don’t know how to describe it but that is what I’m feeling now. I have come to understand that no one will ever understand how we feel because they are not us. Sure, it’s easy to tell your friend that, “you’re overreacting! You’re being too sensitive about the whole issue!” but wait till you’re in their shoes then maybe you’ll start to just shut up and try to understand how they feel. Right now, I just feel as if no one understands how I really feel.

I go to uni with a happy go lucky face, everyone oblivious to the problems I actually have. Should friends ever be measured by how much they know of my problems and the sympathy they give? Should friends ever be measured by the amount of time they spend with me? Should friends ever be measured with how much understanding they have of us? To me, friends should never be measured. Sure, there are times when you go, “where the hell were you when I was crying? Where were you when all these problems are here?” but my problems are my problems so there must be something wrong with me, that’s why the problems exist. It’s human nature to blame other ppl for things that are not going well with us.

If friends are measured based on all of that, then what is the meaning of friendship when it is something that have to be measured? I have friends who I have not seen for so long (some coming up to years) and yet once in a while when we message each other, I have a sense of belonging because I know that they still think of me, they still care about me and even though we don’t talk so much but I know they are around. I don’t expect my friends to be with me all the time because I know they need their own space to socialize and I for hell am not the person who thinks that THE ONLY person they should ever socialize with is me.

When the time comes when both of us feel suffocated, what happens to that friendship? Will it turn sour? Or maybe it’s just me who is feeling suffocated? Will that request for space be taken as a request to totally end a relationship? Who will really understand my needs and my feelings? No one. Who will understand you better than yourself? No one. In times of solitude, it all boils down to oneself. We live for ourselves, not for others. If we were to take everyone’s perspective of you in mind and be hurt about it, then I would think there’s nothing great about you.

Do we say things just to get pity from others? When asked, we definitely deny it but deep down inside, is it because we just want to be pitied? Do we hope that the friends we lose will come running back to us once they see how miserable we are? My friend once said, “Do not think of only the times someone has deserted you, think also of the times when someone HAS stood by you through thick and thin, through sunshine and rain. Appreciate the person for being with you through those times and not blame the person for that one time he/she is not there.” I can relate to that. I am trying to use that principle. If we only continue to find faults with the friends we have, with the life we’re leading then we will never truly achieve happiness. Think positive. Don’t dwell your thoughts on why your life sucks but be thankful that you are living now because some people who do deserve life are denied of it. Do not think that you’re alone just because your friends have stepped away for a while but be thankful that you do have friends because no one is able to leave alone no matter what they say. Friends come bundled with the life package.

So who are your friends? I would say I have a lot, even those far from me physically and emotionally. I know I think of them sometime and only god knows about it. I don’t need to let them know that I’m thinking of them because as long as god knows, that’s all I need. I know I’m a free thinker but I hope that god does treat my friends well and to clear their mind of confusion and frustration.

update

Haven’t really updated for a while and ppl are beginning to think whether I’m still alive or not… fret not earthlings, I am still alive and kicking. Few days ago, the haze was so freaking terrible that all you breathe in is smoke. Everyone was wearing a mask (except me) and all of a sudden it’s as if we were invaded by ninjas. In those few days, staying inside the house was hell because my parents closed all the doors and windows to prevent the haze from coming into the house so naturally it was so freaking stuffy, I felt like dying. Oh well, I have it better than my friends who are living in the hostel and they do not have air-con so when they close their windows, it’s like an oven. The hazy days made me feel annoyed easily and I get cranky. I just didn’t want to do anything, not even step outside the house. People talk to me a lil and I get annoyed and like push them away. Oh well, sometimes I like being left alone.

Haven’t really talked to Walter since Tuesday. Got news that he was looking for me yesterday but the odd thing was, he didn’t call me but called my friend instead. I found it weird that if he was looking for me, the logical thing to do was to call me instead of my friend. No idea what he was thinking. Don’t have the energy to think so much since my exams are coming and I have no time to think about trivial stuff like this.

Anyway, I’m glad Yow Fei liked the present Walter and I gave him. He’s finally 21 years old, big boy already. I hope he has a smooth year ahead of him. As for Lina, she’s so busy with her studies that I haven’t really talked to her for a long long time. Madeleine’s busy too and I think that applies to all my friends. They are busy and so am I so I totally understand when they are too busy to look for me because the same applies to me. Time’s a wasting, so take care everyone! Till then, see ya!