think about it..

Today, after class went over to Leisure Mall to watch Spiderman 2!!! The stunts were cool. There were some nice scenes in the movie, much enjoyable then the first one although some may not like the mushy scenes between Peter and MJ. But all in all, cool shit! No joke, watch it! Damn nice.

Nothing else to complain today. Oh yeah there is… waited for about 40 minutes for the damn bus and it was raining. Reached home one over hour after the movie when the mall is just like a 15 minutes drive away from home. Talk about improving public transport!

On a more serious note, a third hostage was beheaded today in Iraq. All this happened because America couldn’t stick their busy nose in their own business. Three innocent lives were wasted on one man’s egoistical thinking. Where are the weapons of mass destruction (WMD) that they were so confident of finding? Waging war on a country that didn’t possess any of the so-called WMD is by my opinion an act of terrorism too. If Iraq does possess WMD and America did find it and destroyed those weapons, maybe waging war on that country was more justified.

However of course, I am in no position to say whether war is justified or not but think of it. How many lives must be sacrificed, how many more people have to suffer before this “war” is really over? Has America ever wondered what if the people don’t mind Saddam reigning in Iraq? They say Iraq is a threat to the world but I think America poses a more dangerous threat with their ability to build weapons of destruction. Define WMD. They are just tools to create destruction and guns and bombs are also tools of destruction so America can also be considered as a threat too. If we were to own such tools, does it mean our country is next on America’s list of “to-kill”?

It’s funny how these atrocious things happen in Bush’s term when his father was considered a hero. I know there are a number of people who wish Bush would step down and stop causing grievous hurt to others, both intentional and unintentional. Who would want a president who could not guarantee peace? Who would want to live in a country where you’re supposed to be afraid every single time of the day, so afraid that the building you’re in is going to be a target for terrorism? What gives America the power to do these things? Why is America considered the Big Brother? Why are they so formidable? Is it because they can inflict fear into other people? Think about it.

pissed!

In a world where they claimed men and women are equal, I beg to differ. It was said that women and men are now equal and there should be no gender discrimination but this was not the case. Women are still doing men’s bidding. Women are not put here on earth to do men’s bidding. If we are truly equal, then men should also iron their own clothes, wash their own clothes and cook their own meals. No, all these tasks are still done by women so where are the equalities that were promised to us? We women are still washing their clothes which include their dirty underwear. We still iron their clothes so that they can look good when they go to work but don’t forget that we women are also working which means we’re doing double the work. To say the men are the sole breadwinners in my opinion is total bullshit. Women can also be the breadwinners so what makes men more superior that we women have to do what we are expected to do?

Sure, life for women now are much better than that of the yesteryears but how much different is it? It’s not that different. Gender discrimination has always been hotly debated. It is usually the women who argue about this case because they feel they are suppressed and who can blame them when it is true? If I was asked which gender is greater, man or woman, I would say without a doubt that the woman is the greater one. I chose woman not because I myself am a lady but because we females are the ones to bear you men out there for 9 agonising months. We females are the one who are doing several jobs at one time; a good mother, a good housekeeper, a good wife and a good employee. However, there is always the situation where women are just ordered around, to be expected to wash and cook. You call this equal? Women are still being treated unfairly and are expected to walk behind their partners in some countries. Where is the sense in that?

In a different case, people said being the youngest in the family is the best because he/she will be spoilt. Well, I certainly hope the person who said that has not got a peanut for a brain. I am the youngest in the family and I am sure not being spoilt. My brother is getting married but he’s not the busiest. In fact, the family members are which include my father, my mother and me. I was there to help my father paint the whole house while he was out doing something else and coming back to give so many suggestions and ideas when he did not help out at all. I was playing computer games and my mum was nagging me, saying she hates it when we play the computer games and it was in an unfriendly tone. Naturally I was pissed off because she didn’t say that to my brother when he was playing the games for some days. Is it because I’m 19 and he’s 28? She said I was playing computer games when everyone was so busy and I should be ironing my brother’s clothes. Yeah, my mum is busy sewing the curtain, my father busy doing some painting while my brother is busy SLEEPING!

I was real pissed. I stormed downstairs, took out the ironing board and started ironing in a furious way. My brother who was half asleep said if I was so not satisfied, don’t iron. Fuck it! Here I am ironing for him and he was sleeping. And to think I got all defensive for him for nothing. I couldn’t stand it anymore and the tears streamed down but I wasn’t sad, just angry. I wish I could ask him to shut up. Everyone is so busy preparing for his wedding and he’s just sleeping there, not doing much except organising seats for the dinner reception. Yeah, like that’s hard work! My friend asked me yesterday night in a joking manner about how are my brother’s feelings about the marriage, happy or sad? I told her off by saying what’s that supposed to mean? Marriage is a happy thing, is he supposed to feel sad? I was defensive and my friend was sorry but I had to admit she was pretty blunt. Now, when I think of what my brother did, I should have said, “I don’t give a tiny rat’s ass about what he feels”.

This is the reason why I’ve been thinking about men and women being equals. Men can be so selfish and insensitive sometimes that I just wanna go and slap them to wake them up. Or sometimes just ask them to fuck off. Fuck men and women being equals because it’s never going to happen.

feeling fucked up

These past few days, I’ve been dead worried about Walter. I’ve been thinking what is he doing now, how is he feeling. He told me the dark side is calling him again and I wish I could hold him back. He said he felt like he was hitting the ground and I wish I could cushion his fall. He said it’s a lonely journey and I wished it wasn’t so. I wished for so many things yet I could not do any one of them. Have I failed him as a friend? During the times when he felt down or depressed, he confided in me. And when I hear all of the things he’s going through, I cry. I cry for him and for myself and it’s happening again tonight. I am maintaining 4 chatrooms and I got to be happy in one, consoling in another, listening in another and just crapping in the last one. To be 4 diff emotions at the same time is not easy especially when I’m crying now. I really wish I was there for him. I really wish I could give him the comfort he seeks but I can’t. Just when he needed somebody the most, I wasn’t there. I don’t cry for many friends but for Walter, I do. I felt the utmost ache and sympathy inside me. I felt as if I owed him too much and now there’s nothing I can do and I hate feeling that. I hate the fact that he’s been there for me but I can’t do the same. It’s a fucked up feeling! I’m just gonna let the tears stream down now….

shopping

Today went to Midvalley with my parents. Reached there at ten and shopped for 6 hours, trying to buy something for my bro’s wedding… found one top but had some problems with it so might be going back to get it. So after 6 hours of walking, ended up only buying a lipgloss from Maybeline, my first ever make-up product! Other than that, nothing much. Didn’t really realise that today was Father’s day! Hahahaha… yeah but my father ain’t one that celebrates this day anyway… well, take care peepz!! Bless you all and I hope you’re fine Walter!

frustrated!

How frustrating can it get?? I’m supposed to wear this black ensemble for my brother’s wedding dinner which in my mum’s opinion seems inappropriate because it’s supposed to be a happy occasion. And I told her I found this scarf which is off-white in colour and she disagreed because black and white equals mourning! She said it’s good enough that she let’s me wear all black to the dinner and she wants me to wear a RED scarf! Hello??!!! That is like so not my colour! I HATE red! I repeat, I hate red!! Black and red! Ugh! If I were to wear that red scarf to the dinner, I will not wear it out again and that would be a waste. Why not buy a colour that I approve and will wear out on other occasions?? No….. She said she doesn’t want blue or any other colour I pick. In other words she’s forcing me to wear a colour that I DON’T like but she likes! I’m wearing the whole thing, not her. It’s enough that she’s wearing red and now I have to jump into the bandwagon as well?? I am so pissed! Whatever!~ psshhht!

for walter who is down

this poem i created is dedicated to walter who seems to have caught the bad bug. it's not much but the thoughts just came.

It’s hard to let go,
But it’s time you learn,
Things may be grey,
But don’t go astray.

With my little hands,
I try to keep what’s left,
To keep you from slipping deeper,
Into the black abyss.

The darkness beckons you,
I try not to let you go,
I do not want to lose you to the darkness,
Yet what else can I do?

I am helpless,
But I want to help,
How can I achieve that,
When you won’t let me?

Things are hard to cope,
This I do not deny,
But it is all in the mind,
It would be better if you try.

You might be lonely,
But so am I,
Together we can get through this,
And fight the darkness away.

One day I will leave you,
This is what you said,
For the mean time,
I am with you.

We will get through this,
I can’t promise you that,
But at least know you will not be alone,
When everything comes crashing down.

written by Caryn ©

quizzes

You have an animal soul! Arent you lucky! You are
very interactive with animals and can
understand them even if you dont speak their
tongue. The birds arent afraid of you, deer can
eat out of your palm, and every dog will roll
over for you. As an Animal Soul, you follow
your instinct, sometimes making rash decisions,
and not thinking properly. If you dont
understand something, you reject and push it
away, and can get very disastrous when angry.
At the same time, youre a very kind person who
can make people feel better, and are
understanding and compassionate. One of the
great things about you is that your rarely
jealous, and know that you have to share and
help other people if you want to survive this
world. You are very loyal and optimistic, and
can make it through the toughest times.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla


A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when you've
got all your mates around you and you like to
party. Boys are a game and youre always on the
ball because you make sure you're always number
one.

Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature,
sociability.

Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention..



You almost certainly wouldn't like this game,
because it's not your thing:

www.life-blood.vze.com


What kind of girl are you?
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You're Element is Fire. You have a strong,
independant, fiery personality and you
obviously don't let other's push you around.
You like being in charge and don't care what
other people think. In fact, you like to stand
out and be yourself. You're probably shy when
people first meet you but you're a ball of energy
that could explode at any given moment. You
like to laugh and whether you admit it or not,
you like to fight. Your peronality is
wild and untamable. Your beauty is physically
fit and a little sexy and you have a very
pretty face.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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You've definitely caught the bad-angel's eye. He's
very interested in you and he loves your fiery
attitude.. hmm.. maybe something special is in
store for you..


would an angel, demon, or pure evil fall for you? (now w/ pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

busy busy busy

Past few days been spending bloody hell lot of time on the internet, searching for Jrock piano scores! It’s such a pain in the ass to find out that it’s so damn hard finding piano scores for jrock. Guitar tabs and bass tabs are abundant but no piano score. I mean, at least not for the ones that I’m looking for… I wonder if I should just settle for Gackt’s “another world” piano score. Currently waiting for the owner of that website to try to post up Hyde piano scores. The ones she had wasn’t what I wanted.

Trying to find some mp3s for Lina too coz apparently she’s too traumatised to download Kazaa onto her precious computer. She was attacked by virus apparently transmitted through the file sharing on Kazaa. Well, since I’m having dial-up it’s gonna take a bloody long time to download all of the songs although I have like one, two, three songs on my pc. I’m left with another one, two three, four, five, six songs to go. Plus another two songs that I want from L’Arc~en~Ciel that just won’t seem to load, my traffic page is full! Hyde’s “Hello” MV seems to be stucked yet, that’s not the only file that is stuck. Don’t know what the hell is wrong!

I just came back from JB. On Wednesday, I stayed up late to catch the repeat of Charmed which was from 11.30pm to 12.30am. Before that I was transferring songs to my MD player and was complaining to walter how I can’t seem to transfer L’Arc~en~Ciel’s “Stay Away” to my MD player. After watching Charmed, I went to bed but found out I couldn’t sleep!! The horror! And I was supposed to be up by around 6 to leave for JB. So I had like another 5 hours plus to catch my sleep. I was tossing and turning. I don’t why I couldn’t sleep. Could be two reasons. One, I might be excited about the thought of having Walter’s Samsung C100 since he’s going to get a Samsung e700! He’s getting MY dreams phone!! He’s able to buy it from his friend at a reasonable price according to him and so that’s why he’s going to “lend” me his Samsung C100. Two, I could be excited about the trip down to JB. I think I tossed and turned for about 1 hour before almost slipping into slumber land when my lil bro text me about his condition… complications following a break-up. The usual. After that I finally slept at almost 2 and I got up 4 hours later!! Imagine how sleepy I was.

The journey there was quite ok. It was early in the morning and my father had the air conditioner on at the lowest but I was already freezing inside even though I was wearing my windbreaker and long pants and shoes!! My nose was numb, the keypad on my hp was cold too and my mum was sitting in front with a short sleeved t-shirt and no jacket on! And she said she wasn’t cold! I salute her!! Finally stopped near Machap where I quickly jumped out of the car and savoured the warmth of the sun! Oh hail the sun! Reached my maternal uncle’s house and gee, was it boring! This may sound mean but I’ve always favoured my paternal relatives then my maternal ones. This could be due to the fact that my paternal relatives are more happy and joke-able. Then I went to my paternal aunt’s place and saw her two darling Dalmatians. One of them is my dog; Phoebe’s mum while the other one is her sister. They were happy to see me and so was I. after all the hoo hah, I sat in her living room and fell asleep but after watching a Japanese drama on the TV with a real cute guy. I was too tired.

Went to another paternal aunt’s place and that was where my parents and I were to spend the night. Had an okay dinner but waited for almost an hour before the dishes arrived. Nothing much happened there because it was quite late when we reached her house. The purpose of going down to JB was to distribute my bro’s wedding card. And oh yeah, I left my towel there! Forgetful me!

Just to make it clear, even though Walter and I text each other A LOT, we are just friends. Best friends and the relationship won’t change. I just hope it can clear up some confusion and to prevent some from thinking otherwise. Oh yeah, sorry if I offended anyone but like the title of my blog says, if you don’t like what you see, get the hell out and may I add, stay out!

Okay, aggression aside, bless you peepz out there and take care!! Good luck to ichiro and Walter on the finals! Rock hard guys!!

Hyde bug

Posted up chapter 20 of TOF… updated it in record time of 3 days!! Nothing much today.. got up real late!! At noon! Hahahahaz… the weather was real gloomy and was raining so u can imagine how nice it is to be sleeping at that time.

Had lunch then online to download more L’Arc~en~Ciel songs… so far only succeeded in downloading Stay Away. Crappy connection, can’t even finish downloading Pieces! I wonder if it’s my crappy connection or Kazaa’s fault. Keep asking for more sources!! In the midst of downloading Hyde’s “Hello” music video. Don’t ask, I’m just got bitten by the Hyde bug!! He even took my mind off LeeHOm!! YIKES!! Oh yeah, I also made a Hyde wallpaper too for my desktop…

Bro still not really talking. Walking around the house with a bitter face which makes me wanna give him one tight slap and ask “what’s your problem?!” cold feet for the groom to be? Cold feet my ass!! So easily pissed, what kinda husband you’d think he’ll make? Sheesh!! Even my mum said so!~ I don’t know… we’ll see how long he can take it. I’m not talking to him either… even when my mum ask me to ask my bro whether he wants to have dinner now I would text him even though he’s in his room and I’m outside! Whatever dude!!

It’s true that walter and I have been sms-ing each other frequently and like a couple too. It’s like we’re in a CASUAL relationship or something and my mum asked me before why we keep meeting each other and if he’s my boyfriend or something. I said it’s because we clicked. It’s hard to find a male friend that you can click with and yet still maintain a platonic relationship. And Lina said she wasn’t surprised to see both of us together that day at 1 Utama. She *winked* too… I wonder what’s the wink about… she thinks too much!~

Okay… other than that nothing much to say now. Going downstairs to eat some mango! Woo hoo!~ take care peepz and bless you all!

quizzes

You're short and spiky Hyde: wild, pseudo-punk, and
quite the rebel. You don't take crap from
anyone, and you're always defensive - that is,
when it's over something you actually care
about. Your mantra: "Shyeah, right,
whatever."


What Hyde hairstyle are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hey, a video with an actual plot! And what a plot
it is - a cursed knife and the murders it
causes over 100 years. Jumping from Sicily to
London to Warsaw to Hong Kong to Chicago to New
York, you don't play around when you state your
obvious message: Fate is a bitch, and Tetsu's
about to get bitch-slapped.


Which L'arc~en~ciel Music Video Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Extra Original! Screw the cookie cutter
bands, you like that warped and weird sense of
music that others usually stare at you for. It
may be a little bit strange, but just as long
as it's not your typical mainstream. Your
favorite bands probably iuclude Zigzo, Schwein
and of course Cali || Gari.


What's Your Genre Of Jrock?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok.. who the hell are these jrockers??? they look like a bunch of FREAKS!! yikes!! stay away from meeeEeeEEEEeeeeeEEEE... *shrieks into the night, running fast*

hmmm...

as a whole, this week's been pretty productive. i've been updating Threads Of Fate pretty frequently but pretty upset coz my inspiration has dried up which is so not good. at one point of time, the inspiration just seems to flow... now, i'm just plain stuck!

well, my bro is still not talking to anyone of us. all this just because of a television. i don't know why he can be so angry for such a long time. i mean after all, they're still his parents and he should have some respect for them by at least greeting them. no, he enters and leaves the house now as if it's a hotel. he doesn't greet anyone at all. no eye contact no nothing. and me being the younger sibling, i had to listen to my parents nag about how improper my brother could be. it's a pretty guilty kinda feeling. i mean, i can't say anything and i just had to smile and nod. what can i say? better not say anything. judging by my history, it's best that i just keep my mouth shut.

other than that, my house is pretty busy. my mum's friend is up, aunt audrey is here and another aunt from JB is up too... oh well, hope to go out tomorrow. one whole week of holiday and i'm stuck at home! someone save meeeeeEEeeEEeeE!!~

nothing much now... take care peepz!! hopefully i can start on walter's project.

painting day...

Today got up at about ten to help my father paint the house… new colour scheme would be brown to suit the whole Balinese theme of my house.. Dark brown for the pillars and a lighter shade for the walls. I think it would turn out pretty nice… the whole day was practically painting so nothing much happen.

Today, family had a little riff. Actually between my father and my brother which ended up in a pretty bad scene. My bro got really mad, got into the car and screeched away and I mean, really screeched away. My father is grumbling now downstairs and as usual, I pretend not to hear. Who knows? Things could be worst if I open my mouth… I may get sucked in with the whole lecture “who’s paying for what” thing… pretty nasty stuff!

Other than that, basically a fast paced day. It’s night now and after blogging, I may just go to sleep. Tomorrow gotta continue painting the house so see first. Walter’s been pretty busy with work and what with the audition for Battle of the Bands coming up; he’s been quite uptight about not getting enough rest and practice. Wish there was something I could do. Hopefully, the bracelet I gave him would give him some strength and remind him that I would support him all the way!

Take care peepz!