another poem

Created this in about fifteen minutes or so... Couldn't sleep and the inspiration came. This poem doesn't really rhyme but I was just putting down all my emotions in words. More of a written piece than a poem anyway..

A short story i wrote quite some time ago..

She hears it again. Those abusive words and actions. They were hurled incessantly at her without mercy. Will it ever stop?

She kept quiet all the while looking at the floor. She did not dare to look into her eyes that are filled with contempt and disgust.

“It was a mistake. YOU are a mistake. Nothing but an eyesore and a piece of useless crap”

She could feel the spit on her face. Was it deliberate? As she rambled on, she would make her point clear by throwing in a few kicks and slaps.

All this while, she remained silent. She blamed herself for making her mother’s life a misery. She was the reason for everything that went wrong.

“Because of YOU, I couldn’t get married again. Men know that I’ve a child and they just run away. I couldn’t have eternal happiness because of YOU. It has always been YOU and always will be.”

How her ears burn to hear those words. How her arms ached from being the punch bag. How her heart bleeds to see her mother act this way.

Who could she turn to? She has no relatives and no friends. All her peers shun away from her. Who was there to listen?

Only god.

She constantly prayed that her mother would recover. Recover from this madness that’s plaguing her.

“What are you doing just sitting here? WORK!!”

She scrambled to her feet and walked quietly out of the vicinity. She did all the housework during the day and worked during the night. The money she brings home is never enough.

“Is that all? You useless piece of dirt! How am I to survive on such little money? Rubbish! That’s what you are.”

Her glazed eyes tell her that her mother’s been drinking again. All the money went to alcohol. There were empty cans of beer strewn all over the floor.

She picked the cans up as her mother followed her around like a buzzing angry bee.

She could feel the tears welling up inside her. Tears soon dropped to the floor but her mother did not see it nor did she care when her hands begin to tremble.

“Are you crying? What are you crying about? Is it that hard? I’ve been working my ass off trying to raise you. Now you do a bit of a work and you’re crying?!”

She shook her head and blinked away the tears. Her words are like venom coursing through her body.

“What an eyesore!”

She felt harsh hands tighten around her wrist and she was pulled up to her feet.

Punch after punch met her face. She did not utter a sound. If this would provide some relief for her mother, then she will not flinch or defend herself.

Screams echoed throughout the house. The screams weren’t from her. It was from her mother.

Hysterical screams rang in her ears. Harsh words came out of her mouth and were directed to her. Who else?

Her porcelain skin was now tainted with blood. This is going to be a long night.

She woke up the next day crumpled on the floor. She lifted her hands up to her face and saw cuts running deep.

She couldn’t remember how the cuts got there in the first place. Was it her or was it her mother? She did not know.

Her mother was slumped in the chair with bruised knuckles. Her hair was all over her face like a black veil.

She brushed the hair aside and looked at her mother. What happened to the sweet lady she knew when she was a little girl? Where did it disappear to?

Her mother fidgeted and she leapt back. She took a piece of blanket and put it on her mother. She traced a finger on her mother’s face with a sorrowful look.

::Flashback::

“Where are you going?” she pulled on his sleeve.

“I am leaving you. It’s over between us.”

She watched the whole scene by the stairs. They were not aware of her presence.

“Why? Is it me or is it because you love somebody else?” she was trying hard to control her tears.

“I just don’t love you anymore. It’s not because I love somebody else. We quarrel more than we talk.” He said those words so easily as if the marriage didn’t mean anything to him.

“I’ll change. I’ll try to be gentler and listen to everything you say and do everything you ask me to.”

“It takes two people to make a relationship work.” He was determined to leave us.

“Don’t leave me. I can’t survive without you. I love you.” Her voice weakened as the tears found their way to her eyes.

“I’m sorry. You can keep the house and the car. Our daughter will be left in your custody.” He turned the doorknob and with a swish of his coat, he was gone. Forever into the cold, dark night.

:: End of flashback::

Ever since, her mother’s been different. The changes became worst when she became abusive. She became the burden her mother wished she never had.

She has had it. It has been a decade she suffered. She believes today, she can end her mother’s misery as well as her own.

She trudged all the way to her room. She looked around and she remembered how her father would tuck her in and read her stories.

She remembered how her room used to be filled with toys and laughter. Her bed would be filled with toys and pink fluffy pillows.

She remembered how her mother used to comb her hair and plait it. She would look in the mirror and smile at how she resembles her mother.

She felt like she was the princess and her parents were king and queen. Her fantasy was dashed the minute her father walked out of the house and never returned.

Her room was now bare. There were neither fluffy pink pillows nor big soft toys. The paint on the wall peeled, showing how they’ve aged.

Broken bottles were everywhere. It was the result of her mother barging into her room, destroying everything in sight. She could not stop her. She didn’t bother.

She took a shard of glass and marvelled at how clear and sharp the edges were. She locked herself in the bathroom and turned the tap on, filling the tub with warm water.

The veins on her skin are so imminent as if they are crying out to her to slash them, to end everything. She obeys them.

As she lay in the tub which is now tainted in crimson, she closes her eyes and for the first time in years, she felt peace.

It was all going to end. She felt the blood drain from her body and she uttered a few words.

“Take care, mother. You can now live in peace and may you find eternal happiness.”

Those were the words she uttered with her dying breath. The only words that came out from her mouth for the first time in a decade. Then, it was all over.

“Get your lazy ass out here. There is work to be done around the house!” her mother banged onto the bathroom door.

There was no answer, just the sound of water dripping. “Open the god damn door!” she shouted.

Again, there was no answer. Anger got into her and she barged straight into her daughter’s bedroom and walked into the bathroom door. She wanted to scream at her but she stopped short, dead in her tracks.

Her daughter lay in the bathtub, tainted in crimson liquid. She looked somehow rested and at peace. She saw the broken glass on the floor and saw the open veins on her daughter’s wrist. She rushed over to her daughter and held her hand. It was cold, ice cold.

She was hysterical. What made her daughter commit such a thing? A million things rushed through her brain. Then suddenly, it’s as if she finally woke up from a long and dark dream. Her lips quivered as tears streamed down her face and sorrow overtook all other emotions.

“Why? My princess. My little princess.” She traced her daughter’s face but she withdrew her hand quickly.

‘So cold, so pale, just like an ice queen. She lay in the tub as if that was her throne.’ She thought as she looked at her daughter.

“Was it me that caused her death? But I cannot remember anything.” she whispered aloud.

Few years later, she was found sitting on her daughter’s bed, caressing her daughter’s favourite toy. People said that she was still grieving the loss of her beloved daughter though she didn’t know why her daughter died. No one had the heart to tell her that she was the one who forced her daughter to the brink of death. She hardly left her daughter’s room at all. After losing her daughter, the bedroom is the only place where she still has her memories. Happy memories to sustain her. After that, no one ever knew what happened to her. Whether she passed the remains of her life locked in the room or whether she took the same road as her daughter.

Poem I created

not in a mood for anything

I don't know what got over me. Just that I don't feel like doing anything and I wish that people would leave me alone today. It didn't help that my mum is aggravating the situation.

She asked me what I am doing typing so much on the computer. I mean like hello?? What I do on the computer is SOoOoOoo none of her freaking business. As long as I'm not commiting a felony then it doesn't matter what I type on the computer. Can't she just leave me alone and let me do what I like on the computer?? GeeZ!! Talk about personal space! Then afterwards, she asked me whether I want to wear the scarf (it's bluish grey with some flower motives) and I shook my head. Why do you think I don't want to wear the scarf? Because I don't like it, that's why! And because of that, she said I'm a very negative person! Screw it man!! Just because I don't like what she suggested and she says a I'm a very negative person!

And people wonder why I'm so cold at times... I need my space too ok? My world doesn't revolves just to please every god gamn Tom, Dick and Harry!! Sheesh!!

not a very productive day

my cousin was up for an exam and today was the day he's due back home in JB... so we had lunch at Selayang and it was ok though not very filling.. cost him almost RM100!! came back home and there was nothing good on TV so decided to watch LOTR:Fellowship of the Ring for the umpteenth time.. Legolas was certainly eye candy! *Droolz*

after that, went up to have a nap and lo behold! it was raining like there's no tomorrow complete with strong winds and thunder&lightning. when i tried to close my window, it's as if the winds were playing tug of war with me!! geez, pretty strong winds!!

am talking to walter now and he was half wet when he arrived home. so i asked him to change into dryer clothes but he told me he's half naked!! that fella really!!~ he said it'd be good to catch a cold coz then he can ask for MC! hahahahz... i was wondering if it's because i gave him my magnetic beaded bracelet that he started calling me dear!! hehehhez... he liked it so much so heck, he's given me so much before so i thought why not give it to him since he liked it so much?? i could always find another one!! by the way, you are most welcome for the bracelet walter! my pleasure!!

ok, i'll leave this journal with some photos that might get walter excited! hehehe... cheers and take care peepz!