friends?

How does it feel like to have a punch in your face? How does it feel like to have punches coming in from everywhere? I don’t know how to describe it but that is what I’m feeling now. I have come to understand that no one will ever understand how we feel because they are not us. Sure, it’s easy to tell your friend that, “you’re overreacting! You’re being too sensitive about the whole issue!” but wait till you’re in their shoes then maybe you’ll start to just shut up and try to understand how they feel. Right now, I just feel as if no one understands how I really feel.

I go to uni with a happy go lucky face, everyone oblivious to the problems I actually have. Should friends ever be measured by how much they know of my problems and the sympathy they give? Should friends ever be measured by the amount of time they spend with me? Should friends ever be measured with how much understanding they have of us? To me, friends should never be measured. Sure, there are times when you go, “where the hell were you when I was crying? Where were you when all these problems are here?” but my problems are my problems so there must be something wrong with me, that’s why the problems exist. It’s human nature to blame other ppl for things that are not going well with us.

If friends are measured based on all of that, then what is the meaning of friendship when it is something that have to be measured? I have friends who I have not seen for so long (some coming up to years) and yet once in a while when we message each other, I have a sense of belonging because I know that they still think of me, they still care about me and even though we don’t talk so much but I know they are around. I don’t expect my friends to be with me all the time because I know they need their own space to socialize and I for hell am not the person who thinks that THE ONLY person they should ever socialize with is me.

When the time comes when both of us feel suffocated, what happens to that friendship? Will it turn sour? Or maybe it’s just me who is feeling suffocated? Will that request for space be taken as a request to totally end a relationship? Who will really understand my needs and my feelings? No one. Who will understand you better than yourself? No one. In times of solitude, it all boils down to oneself. We live for ourselves, not for others. If we were to take everyone’s perspective of you in mind and be hurt about it, then I would think there’s nothing great about you.

Do we say things just to get pity from others? When asked, we definitely deny it but deep down inside, is it because we just want to be pitied? Do we hope that the friends we lose will come running back to us once they see how miserable we are? My friend once said, “Do not think of only the times someone has deserted you, think also of the times when someone HAS stood by you through thick and thin, through sunshine and rain. Appreciate the person for being with you through those times and not blame the person for that one time he/she is not there.” I can relate to that. I am trying to use that principle. If we only continue to find faults with the friends we have, with the life we’re leading then we will never truly achieve happiness. Think positive. Don’t dwell your thoughts on why your life sucks but be thankful that you are living now because some people who do deserve life are denied of it. Do not think that you’re alone just because your friends have stepped away for a while but be thankful that you do have friends because no one is able to leave alone no matter what they say. Friends come bundled with the life package.

So who are your friends? I would say I have a lot, even those far from me physically and emotionally. I know I think of them sometime and only god knows about it. I don’t need to let them know that I’m thinking of them because as long as god knows, that’s all I need. I know I’m a free thinker but I hope that god does treat my friends well and to clear their mind of confusion and frustration.