you think it's love? you're wrong. you guys are pathetic losers..

Okay, I’ve had requests to not be a feminist because it seems to be the quickest route to being a lesbian. Greg asked me not to turn into a feminist. Ok, I won’t turn into a feminist but being feminist doesn’t necessarily make u a lesbian right? I mean I still adore men (I mean would you look at the background of my blog? He’s the most handsome men ever!) it’s just that I don’t really trust guys anymore. I gave them half of my trust and look what they did with it. They threw it right into my face. Imagine if I’ve given them all of my trust. I’ve already said that I don’t trust people completely anymore. And oh yeah, I still don’t know why guys find lesbians to be such a turn on. *shrug*

Like I mentioned in my previous entry, I’ve ceased being close to him. It seems as if the more I see him, the more I feel the resentment growing in me. It’s guys like him that makes me want to be a feminist. I get the feeling of being played out but never again. I will not be that stupid anymore. If you can’t wait for me, then you’re not really in love with me. That’s what I believe. There’s no use in pressuring me to accept you so quickly if you can’t even wait for me. If he doesn’t get a girlfriend, he’ll die. That’s the impression he gives me now. I can’t believe I actually once liked him. Now, it’s just the growing resentment in me. Yes, I’ve turned cold.

Like Lina, I believe love comes in different ways. I love Greg for being as perverted as me and for sharing the same passion. I love Hefni for being the greatest supervisor ever and it’s my love for him that I want to make sure no one ever says bad things or do bad things to him. I love Lam for being the asshole he is and for the bone crushing hugs he gives. I love Andrew for the gentle and perverted giant he is. Hell, I love a lot of people yet it doesn’t mean I love them romantically.

For now, I’m just sick of being romantically linked to anybody. I’m an independent girl and I need an independent guy if I was to ever be romantically involved with someone. I can’t stand guys who’d cling to me all the time, for fear of losing me or just for attention or whatever crappy reason there is. I don’t have time for guys who can’t even make a bloody decision and stick with it. That’s fickle-minded. I don’t have time for guys who’d keep a girl as a back up if things go wrong with another. I don’t have time for guys who can’t even be sure if it’s love or if it’s pity.

Right now, I’m not interested. I’d prefer having my perverted and passionate conversations with Greg than being choked in what guys think is love but isn’t.