feelings

It’s weird how I’m feeling inside. It’s sort of indescribable. Things haven’t really been the same and for a relationship that has stretched over a span of 5 years, I feel uncomfortable with the current situation. Sure, everything is out in the open yet the comfortable feeling we used to have seems to have disappeared.

The familiar “chink” still resonates whenever I move. He no longer wears it but I still do, maybe because I have become so accustomed to it that without it, it doesn’t seem right. When in deep thought, I’d hold the pendant and memories come flooding in. I don’t really seem to remember the sad ones; I only remember the happy ones which I think are good. I should think of the happy memories instead of the sad ones.

Really…. Will we ever be the same again? Is the wound too deep? He has found someone new and that’s good for him. To hell and back? Does it apply to both of us? I don’t know. Can’t believe I’m feeling down early in the day. What happened to the Caryn from long ago? What happened to the person where she lived the days as happily as possible without any worries? Is it because I’ve grown and somewhat matured that it’s inevitable to worry somehow?

I’ve learnt my lesson once again. As if once or twice isn’t enough to make me realize, it had to happen again to remind me of how dangerous it was. Now I know, I’ll never trust anyone 100% ever again. Secrets are meant to be secrets and even if they are to be shared, I will choose the people properly. Never again will I talk so freely without thinking. Never again will I say things that are meant to be private. Never again will I allow myself to be betrayed.

Don't Look Back In Anger

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd once never been
All the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I have went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away

So I start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I have went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
At least not today