crap and more crap!

So, the new semester has started. It’s now back to university, shoving books up my face and studying my ass off for examinations what with this semester packed with 6 subjects. They certainly are pushing us real hard this semester with the 6 subjects, one of them being Literature (OMG!). Oh yeah, the July intake batch seems to be a pretty talented bunch and I get the feeling that they’re very … *searches for word in Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary* … confident. That’s the word! Damn, my brain has rested far too long.

These days I have been going on a diet. Hopefully for me it’s a low carb diet because there was one day where I only had 2 eggs in the morning, a cup of milo in the afternoon and it lasted me one whole day right till I took my dinner which consisted about half a bowl of rice. Today, I survived on two pieces of bread in the morning, a chocolate milkshake in the afternoon (and I became a lil greedy and had a Tall, single pump vanilla syrup, Caramel Macchiato to which I forgot to tell them low-fat milk so I drank full cream and felt a little sinful) and it lasted till dinner time. Su was at the cashier in Starbucks Midvalley and she asked me, “What happen to you? Thinner already!” I was like, “Erm, nothing happened. I didn’t feel it.” Esther has also told me that I was skinnier already. I don’t know how true it is because only 2 people said that to me but I do hope that meant the fat in my face is finally in the process of being shed off.

Don’t worry, I’m not anorexic. It’s just that I have come to realize that all this while, I have been eating because I’m obliged to eat as in it’s the time to eat and not because I was hungry. Do you know what I mean? It’s like “it’s one o’clock, oooh.. It’s lunchtime, I should eat!” and not because, “damn, I’m hungry. I should eat!” This has become the reason I put on weight unconsciously and also the gluttony of eating just because it smells nice. Right now, I’m just sticking to the rules of “eating only when I feel hungry”. I don’t know how heavy I am now because it seems that the weighing machine has been banned from my house. I hope to lose about 5 kg and hopefully by then, my face would be slightly thinner like in secondary school. I was a little bit insulted when people commented on my chubby cheeks and I guess maybe that was the reason why I stuck to this “diet”. I did try this diet last time but my willpower was not great enough but now, I believe my willpower is better.

That day when I went out with Wei Siang to Midvalley (after failing to meet up with Lina) for lunch at Kenny Roger’s, I was surprised to find myself ordering Caesar Salad instead of a quarter meal or something. It kept me full until the next day so technically, that day I only had one meal. By six p.m. he was already hungry so we headed to Wong Kok, Leisure Mall where he had Iced Tea in HongKong style and Peanut Butter and Ice Cream Thick Toast while I had a cup of hot chocolate. He offered me some but I didn’t feel hungry. It was sinful indulgence for me, what with the little whipped cream adorning the ice cream. After that, Starbucks was next on our list and we shared a Venti, double shot, Caramel Affogato. Basically, that day was mostly liquid for me and I didn’t get hungry at all, in fact I felt pretty full. Maybe because it was all chocolate and cream based and stuff.

Insomnia has settled in lately, sometimes I didn’t get any sleep because I was aware of the surroundings. It became like a 3 hour nap instead and then I was up. It’s like after the New Year outing with him, I reached home at almost 4am but managed to stay up all the way up to 6 am because I was reading Dan Brown’s “Deception Point”. I wonder why is it that I get insomnia these days. I wonder what’s causing this.

Motto of the day: what does not go to waste, goes to waist!