You and I

You and I have been through so many things,
I have seen so many sides of you,
The good and the bad,
And I stuck with you through it all.

If you want to talk to me,
You don’t have to hesitate,
Because I know how you feel,
This is what you call fate.

You and I don’t need them,
They do not deserve us,
They who have betrayed us,
They who have been lost.

We reach out to them,
Yet we are shunned,
They do not wish to be rescued,
They would rather drown.

We have done our best,
Friends who have left,
Friends who have died,
Friends who are now lost.

They have cut their wrist,
White cloth drenched in red,
Where is the bravery they glorify?
Where is the courage they claim they have?

Sympathy is what we show,
Care is what we show,
Love is what we show,
It was all in vain.

Foolishness runs through their veins,
Like the blood sustaining them,
When stones age and fruits are ripe,
Will they come back to us?

What are we to do then?
Do we shun them like they did to us?
Do we embrace them again like in the past?
Do we risk ourselves of getting hurt again?

Friends of yesteryears,
They float in the air,
Distant memories are left,
That is all there is now.

Have our feelings been worn out?
Have our souls been dragged around?
Have our mind been through suffering?
Have our friendship been in despair?

You and I are strong beings,
We stood through wind and storm,
A true friendship is what it is,
One with trust and understanding.

Lately I've just been feeling disappointed and I dug through the memories in my head. I have found that lately, memories just seems to be fleeting images. Maybe the memories are evanescent and it could mean that those memories no longer mean anything to me. What were once vivid images are now a ghost of themselves. It has lost its meaning. What could have caused this? There could be some reasons. Friendships built and lost. Lack of certain minerals to strengthen my memory. Feeling of anger, hate and betrayal. It could be any one of these reasons yet I do not dwell my thoughts on it anymore. There is no reason why I should kill my brain cells trying to remember things that have lost its meaning.

Maybe what Kar said is right, sometimes it's better to forget and I think by the look of things now, I am starting to forget. I once said, I forgive but never forget. It still stands true to this day but the happy memories seem to be evading me and the bad ones seem to stay. My mum told me I should not invest too much feelings in a relationship and I probably shouldn't. Heck, I don't even feel sad I break up with my boyfriends. I have only cried for one boyfriend and up till now, I don't even know if he should be considered my boyfriend. I mean, we were young and I wonder if he ever considered me as one of his girlfriends. After we broke up, I vowed never to let a guy hurt me that much anymore and all my subsequent relationships ended without a tear from me. Strong or emotionless? I don't know.

Yet I seem to have invested a considerable amount of feelings in a platonic relationship and when that ended, I got hurt real bad. Maybe it's because of the feeling of wasted effort, maybe it's because of the naive perception that friendship is stronger than any other relationship (except relationships related by blood). Lina told me something her mum said and I agree. When people say puppy love, the first image to come to mind is of couples in school uniforms holding hands and such. We always think that what teenagers go through in their relationships are puppy love. However, even if we reached the age of 20 and above, our relationships with a member of the opposite sex does not change its status to true love. Who ever said that puppy love is only meant for hormone raging teenagers? We always think that just because we are no longer teenagers, the love we feel for the member of the opposite sex must be true love, not puppy love. It's a stupid perception, it shows how immature and foolish people can be.

A relationship of 8 years, how do you see it? Is it long enough and strong enough for them to get married? I wouldn't know. Some people get divorced even though they were together for more than 10 years before getting married. Some people grow old with each other even though they knew each other for less than a year before getting married. I guess it's chemistry, love cannot be forced.

What's the use of me being understanding when others are not? What's the use of me accepting people's flaws when they can't seem to accept mine? What's the use of me holding onto a relationship when they don't seem to put in any effort in sustaining it? What's the use of me holding onto the saying "Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you." when they do not do the same? Have I been taken for a ride? Have I been taken for granted all these while? I think I have.