i'm tired.. so so tired..

Once again, WHY is it that I let people feed me with false guilt? What the hell is wrong with me or should I be asking what the hell is wrong with them? Do I have the word SCAPEGOAT written across my forehead? My heart is so burdened with guilt that I feel as if I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating, let me go! Release me!

I know that shit happens but I don’t understand why it’s always got to be me. Why is it that I feel I am never allowed to show my anger, like I don’t have the right to be angry? Why is it that people feel as if they can be angry at me for my faults but I have to smile at theirs? Why is it that I still smile and act like nothing happened when the fault doesn’t lie in me and they go around pushing my anger limit? Don’t you see that you’re killing me? Don’t you guys see that I am at my wits end? Don’t you guys see that I’m suffering?

Is it that fun to point out my mistakes and glorify yourselves? Is it that fun to blame everything on me as if you never made a mistake? Is it that fun that my mistake is always bigger than yours no matter what? Seriously, I am also human, I have feelings too god damn it. I am supposed to be strong, I am supposed to endure all these but there’s a limit too. A limit before I break down.

I’ve always noticed how people will always point out my mistakes but never remember the times when I’ve always been by their side. I’m so tired of being pushed around. I’m so tired of being the friend that’s always smiling and listening. I’m so tired of being taken for granted. I’m so tired of being the understanding friend. I’m so tired of being the friend that doesn’t feel hurt and pain. I’m so so tired.