The Ghost Beckons

The ghost awakens and beckons me,
Appearing in my dreams,
Intimacy so real it aches,
The smell so real it suffocates.

The love we had in my dreams,
I know it is forbidden,
For I will never allow myself,
To fall in love with you.

You who have shunned me,
You who have underestimated me,
You who have betrayed me,
You who I no longer know.

Your hands touch my face,
You buried your face in my neck,
Taking a deep breath as you inhale,
The smell of me that you love.

You told me earnestly,
You told me with loving eyes,
You told me with gentle tears,
That you will only love me.

I know promises are meant to be broken,
Just like rules they never reign supreme,
I shook my head sadly and looked at you,
I said, “No, this is wrong.”

You shook your head defiantly,
You said loving me is right,
You said leaving me is wrong,
You said I am what makes it all right.

What are sweet words to me?
I am surrounded by them,
Yet how many of them are true?
How many would really love me for me?

Feelings of passion and lust,
They are all around and in abundance,
They are the daggers that pierce,
They are the poison that kills.

I held on to you for one last time,
I feel the warmth of your arms,
I feel the protectiveness you give,
But I chose to turn that all away.

I will not let myself hurt again,
Not after all those times I let in,
Not after all those times I cried,
Not after all those times I suffered.

You who loves me dear,
I choose to forget you,
Do not beckon me anymore,
I will not answer your call.

I had a weird dream yesterday. I wish I would not dream it again. It was so real it’s scary. No, I do not want to be in that position. Not when it has happened to me before. Sometimes I wonder how much concern a friend should show in order for him/her to be considered really caring about the other friend. there are many types of friends. Friends who are always there, talking to you, joking with you and spending time with you. There are also friends who are so distant sometimes you wonder if they’re still alive or not. Then, there are so called friends who have 2 personalities, one that is sweet in front of you and the other backstabs you. Who should go where? Which class should this friend be? The distant one or the other?

Is it possible for friends who used to be so close to you to become mere acquaintance now? Just a mere hello here and there but nothing more. I think that it is possible. We have a lot of acquaintance but very few people who you can truly call friends. After all, there are certain things that friends do and there are some things that friends should never do. When should a friend be considered as crossing over the boundary? Should there be a limit, a line that they should never cross? Once crossed, is the friendship considered over?

It is sad how friends are put in such compromising situation. It is sad how last time we used to be so important to each other now we don’t seem to need each other after finding our significant other. I have so many friends who were so close to me and after finding their so called significant other, they just seem to vanished from the face of earth save for a couple of odd hellos here and there. It’s not that one should never ever find a significant other, it’s just that sometimes I feel wasted. Years of friendship never seem to be able to rival with the love they feel for the opposite sex. It’s just sad. I wonder now, where is Sarah? What is she doing? Is she fine? I wonder now, where is Weinon? What is he doing? Is he fine? I wonder now, where is everyone? What are they doing? Are they fine?

These days I have been feeling melancholy. Is it true that we never need friends anymore as long as we are in a relationship? Is it true that all that matters is the member of the opposite sex we’re having a relationship with? What is friendship compared to that? Where were the members of the opposite sex when we were single and going through troubled times? Where were they when I was there for you when you were crying? Where were they when I was there for you to share your joy and accomplishment? Where were they when I stood by you when others doubted you? Where were they? Were they there to share all those with you? Are they willing to do the same for you now? How sure are you?

It’s probably in my nature to be doubtful. Trust is something that’s very hard for you to get out of me. I learn from experience and experience has taught me never to trust anyone even if they are your family. I feel so wasted now I feel pathetic. It just shows how much effort and time I put in friendship and yet look at what happened. I guess that in whatever relationship, I should never put that much emotions so that I will never feel this wasted anymore unless of course it’s for someone who put equally as much emotion or more in that relationship. Then, it’s worth it.