pessimistic

It’s not a good day for me. I lost something I should not have lost and I’m pining over its lost now. I didn’t even notice it until I got back home. It could be anywhere in town! I am depressed. Seeing Walter now made me more depressed. He deserves so much better yet why is god treating him that way? What good does it do to him to make him go through so much? That will only push him further and further away into the abyss. He hasn’t been really talking to me, I wonder if it’s because I didn’t go see him at the Rock Fest. It was good at least some people he knew were there to see him. He needs all the support he can get.

Today is just bad in many ways although I went shopping despite the fact that I’ve got exams next week. It’s just bad…. What power does a human have when everything is grey around them? There is a saying that everything grey has a positive and negative perspective of looking at it. How can one look at something bad with a positive attitude when things are in the dumps?

How can life be nice when things hit you straight in the face, blow after blow? How can love be wonderful when it brings so much pain? Sure, people say life is all about the ups and downs but how many can be so optimistic about life? Sure, people say love brings you happiness but how many have actually experienced that without a big dose of pain?

When everyone seems to have left you alone in this big world, who then do you turn to? Who do you go to when the world is empty and you’re left standing there? Is it at this time that you wish you could actually turn away from everything and everyone? That everyone would really just disappear and have a fucked up life like you did? Humans are selfish and it’s not surprising that sometimes you do feel that way. It’s as if you look at this person with the perfect life and you wish that he/she would step in your shoes for once, taste what it’s like to have a fucked up life.

It’s good to vent out your frustration. Scream when you feel as if the world has turned on you. Cry when you feel alone. It’s normal. There’s nothing to be ashamed about, it just proves that you have emotions. That you’re not so cold-blooded after all even though you wish you could to protect you from the cold hands of society. When people look at you in a weird way, look back at them with dignity, to be proud of whom you are. Never feel as if you’re being looked down upon because as long as you didn’t do anything wrong, there’s no reason why you can hold your head up high.

Happiness, where is it?
I can’t see it in front of me,
It’s escaping my hands,
Like white mist into the air.

Dignity, where is it?
If it’s in me, I can’t feel it,
My body feels weak,
And my head hangs low.

Love, where is it?
I see it so far away from me,
I can’t reach it,
It eludes me so.

Loneliness, where is it?
It’s so near me,
It feels as if it’s the very air I breathe,
Suffocating me without mercy.

Pain, where is it?
My closest friend,
It is with me all the time,
Reminding me how bitter things are.

Sorrow, where is it?
It fills me like blood,
Coursing through my very veins,
Into my aching heart.

What can one do?
To run away is folly,
Yet to face it is senseless,
So, tell me what I should do.