australia..

My friend has a set of tarot cards. She did some “fortune-telling” with it as I wanted her to. So while I was jumbling the cards up, I asked “it” a question that’s been in my heart for years perhaps and finally the result wasn’t very good. The things it said about the past were true but the predictions for the present and future are not good ones. I know it’s foolish to trust things like these but sometimes it just got you thinking as to whether those things are really true.
 
I was in a real sad state thinking about people and how they’re willing to sacrifice so much for love. Was it really worth it? The pain you go through just to see that other person happy but yet not get what you actually want. Would you be happy if you were on the receiving end of this? How would you feel when you couldn’t give that person a definite answer or reciprocate the person’s love for you? To think that so much is done for you yet you’re not able to do the same is just like something is wrenching your heart away from your body. I can assure you that it’s not a nice feeling at all.
 
I rarely have emotional online conversations yet I always do get emotional when I’m talking to him. He just has that effect on me. I could probably say this that I’ve never experienced so much care and love from someone before. I thought guys like him just existed in movies or fiction. It’s too bad that he couldn’t experience a better life, a better childhood. Maybe he would be better off. Maybe he would be better off if he never met me. I don’t know. Everything’s a mess. He’s the only person who could make me laugh and cry at the same time. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.
 
Today, he told me that he will be leaving for Australia for at least 2 years. 2 years isn’t long but still it felt as if part of me would be empty. When we don’t sms each other for few days, it felt as if something was amiss. It was as if text-ing each other was a norm. to think that he will be crossing over the sea, I wonder how we will keep in touch. This friendship is too beautiful to waste because he was the first person to introduce me into the world of JROCK. To a world where there are handsome Japanese vocalist. Hah… I can imagine him shaking his head in disappointment.
 
Even before he departed, I’m already crying. I wonder what will happen when the day actually arrives. Maybe it’s hard to let go since we’ve gone through so much together, both good and bad. We’ve been so much together more than I have gone through with my other friends. It’s probably the comfort we find in each other’s company.
 
While I was writing my fanfiction, I just had the urge to write this “lyric” that suited the situation I’m trying to describe in my fanfiction. Yes, some phrases are pretty familiar as they are part of GLAY’s song but nonetheless I feel as if I must post it here.
 
“I saw you staggering into a place,
A place where you usually don’t venture,
I saw you drowning your sorrows away,
Gone were the days where your smile was sincere.
 
The pain I’ve caused you now resides in me,
Do not think that I have not suffered,
The day when we decided to choose different paths,
It was with a heavy heart that I let you go.
 
You were my everything,
Everything I knew that was pure,
Everything that was joyful,
I saw them in you.
 
It was as if you were sent down by the angels,
Instead of appreciating you,
I brushed you away,
Hurting your feelings more than I ever knew.
 
I don’t want to hurt you anymore,
Tell me the meaning of your happiness,
If there was something I can do,
I’d do it for you.
 
To drown in the open sea,
To burn in purgatory,
Anything to lessen your pain,
I’d do it for you.
 
When I was hurt you were there,
Where would I be without you,
My pillar of strength,
My tower of refuge.
 
What do you do when it’s night,
When all that’s left is loneliness,
Do you sit and cry,
Reminiscing our sweet memories.
 
I don’t want to hurt you anymore,
Tell me the meaning of your happiness,
If there was something I can do,
I’d do it for you.”